The Great Battle
by Raindog Bride
Summary: The dramatic fight between our heroes and the terrifying Divine Dragon. As presented by an idiot with a suprising amount of spare time. Now with puns and references!


**The Great Battle**

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Dart lunged and hid behind the large boulder where the rest of his team was hiding regrouping, just in time to avoid being blown to smithereens by the Divine Dragon's cannon.

"Miranda!" he shouted, clutching his side where a claw had found his mark. "Quick! Turn into a Dragoon and use Star Children!"

Haschel and Albert, both bleeding in a corner, swiftly perked up and looked expectantly at the flaxen-haired woman sitting with her arms crossed a boulder away.

"No," she said with her chin jutted out.

"Miranda!" insisted Dart, as Meru hastily poured a potion over his wound. He was already in his Dragoon armor, his green filmy wings tarnished with dust and smoke. Even the impossibly tough material of his armor was chipped and scratched, and he looked exhausted. "Rose and Haschel are out- you're the only one with enough spirit points!"

"I'm not getting naked in front of you guys again!" she said hotly.

"We're not asking you to get naked!"

"Yeah, like I don't see youall looking!"Miranda sneered back, but she was cut off abruptly as a glowing explosive slammed into the ground feet from her.

The Divine Dragon was upset, to put it mildly. It was bleeding from a scratch on its nose, and the group of tasty yum-yums that had showed up on his lava-y doorstep were proving a bitch to kill.

"Naaaaaagh!" he said loudly. This was dragon-speak for, JESUS, can't you guys just let me eat you? I mean, God DAMN!

Our heroes were still busy arguing.

'I mean, all the rest of you guys get to have a cool transformation sequence with explosions and yelling! I get NAKED!"

"But in a very pure, non-corruptible way of course!" said Albert hastily.

"Yep, wouldn't dream of corrupting you," added Haschel. Miranda shot them both a Look. They blanched, and Haschel looked away and stuffed a crazy straw inside his Sun Rhapsody and sucked busily.

"Miranda, we are going to DIE here," snapped Dart, standing up and giving his wings an experimental flap. They made a wheezing noise, as if whatever sparkly magical dragon gears that ran them were somehow getting clogged.

"FINE," said Miranda. "But none of you has better look!" She stood up huffily, hooking her bow onto her elbow and shaking out her enormously puffy sleeves. "I choose YOU White Silver Dragon!" she cried out.

There was a flash. A glowy sound. A disgusted noise from Miranda as she was magically lifted into the air to be stripped and featherized.

Haschel and Albert whistled loudly, and began clapping. Miranda shot them nasty looks as she descended onto the ground, testing the pull on her bow.

"'I choose you'?" said Rose acidly. "Where'd you pull that from?"

"It seemed appropriate," said Miranda loftily, shaking her flaxen mane back.

"Can we PLEASE get going here?" whined Dart, cowering beneath his rock. The Divine Dragon was getting rather bored, and had begun to randomly smash things with its tail. A piece of rubble whizzed by Dart's ear and struck Meru on the head with a 'thok!' noise. She giggled and fell down.

"Damnit..." cursed Miranda. "Cancel the Star Children, Dart, I'll just make it a Moonlight with maybe a Gates of Heaven on the side as a garnish, m'kay?" She attempted to roll back her sleeves, only to discover that they were not poofy, very solid, and apparently stuck to her arms. So she cursed again and fired a haphazard shot into the sky, muttering, "Moonlight, for fuck's sake!"

A flash. A glowy sound. Meru, standing up, rubbing her head saying, "I'm... _not_ a wallaby, no sir."

Albert stood up, scratching his ear with his spearpoint. "Dart, I've been attacking this rock for the past five minutes, and I think I have enough spirit points to pull off a Rose Storm."

"Eh?" said Rose, two meters away.

"Perfect!" said Dart, leaping to his feet. "I'll go for his eyes, you cover me!" He darted (ha!) into the air and flapped straight for the large Dragon.

"What, right now?" said Albert rather confusedly. "Sure, man, whatever."

"NAAAAAAAGH!" said the Dragon. This was dragon for, AH, MY EYE, you fucking JERK! It began to very angrily try to stamp Dart's little brains out.

"Ouch." Winced Lloyd, from his vantage point several boulders above them. He was lounging quite comfortably on his elbows, watching with a pair of opera glasses that didn't look at all out of place. A strawberry daiquiri was sitting very innocently several inches away.

Down below, things were going less than well.

Albert had indeed cast Rose Storm, but Haschel was very hurt that the spell hadn't been cast to include _him_, and was a little indignant when Dart ordered him to out and attack the dragon's left toe.

"How the HELL does that count as a vital area?" he demanded loudly, his mustache quivering. "How does giving him a mild limp help us!"

"Well, can you reach anywhere else? He's a little TALL, Haschel." Ground Dart irritably.

"Well I wasn't included in His Majesty's magic shield doohickey. Make _him_ do it." Muttered Haschel as he slouched behind a stone.

"It's always like this with you! 'Make the king do it, my arthritis is acting up!', 'Make pansy-boy here fight the monster, he's so girly it has to work!'" said Albert peevishly, also hiding behind a rock. The rubble was begining to fly thick and fast as the dragon began to get even more bored.

Everyone began shouting at each other in unison; even Rose was losing her I'm-too-cool-for-school look and was screeching at Miranda. The situation quickly became dire.

A 'thwok!' sound.

"Naaaaaaagghhhh... urp." From the Divine Dragon. This was dragon for, Ooh, I appear to be dead.

Everyone stopped dead and turned around.

Meru was busy yanking her mallet out of the huge single eye in the Dragon's head. She slipped in the eye goop and fell out with a yelp.

"Thank you!" cried Lloyd as he swooped in to nick the Dragoon spirit out of the dragon's mooshy bits.

"HEY!" a chorus of angry voices yelled.

'You... you sneaky BITCH!" yelled Rose. "GET HIM, AL!"

Soa watched irritably from above. "If I wasn't so very drunk," he mused, "I might teach those whippersnappers a thing or two. Right Edmund?" he nudged the God of Destruction.

The Virage peered at him from over his spectacles, "Really, Terry, I don't appreciate this sort of thing."

The End.

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Author's notes: This is very old, and this is very silly. Also, I think I'm funny. It was just something light before I went back to DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA and I like the image of Lloyd with a daquiri. I would draw it, but the talent, it flees me like a fast fleeing thing.


End file.
